Mentoring
What Really Works
by Colleen Gray

“Start by doing what’s necessary, then what’s possible and
suddenly you are doing the impossible.” St Francis of Assisi

There is currently much debate and discussion about the reforms that are occurring within the educational, welfare and industrial landscapes of Australia. Mentoring is increasingly being promoted as a solution which provides a way of helping people to achieve the benchmarks that are being set.

There is no doubt that people can and do change on their own. However, change happens more easily when it is supported by others; when there is someone on the sideline who believes in you and knows how to provide the encouragement that is needed. Research shows that up to 30% of change is attributed to the relational support provided by the understanding and encouragement of a caring person (cited Barry Duncan, p59).

Mentoring becomes a catalyst for helping people to change the unchangeable aspects of their lives. Mentoring conversations place the needs of the aspirant at the centre of the relationship, with their future becoming the core concern of both parties.

Scott Miller and Barry Duncan’s research on effective therapy and the work of Dr Rob McNeilly on the power of solution oriented frameworks can easily be applied to determining what works for people in a mentoring relationship.

Mentoring and therapy are similar in that they both operate within professional boundaries that are built on respect, protected by codes of confidentiality and adhere to legal and ethical standards. Most of all, mentoring and therapy are about people changing through the support of a mentoring relationship that helps makes the difference.

In therapy, the most potent contributor to successful outcomes is what the person themselves bring. Their inner strength, persistence, determination and previous life experiences are vital resources that make all the difference, can be built on. Like therapy, mentoring conversations aim to harness and reinforce these positive attributes.

Changing the unchangeable occurs through conversations that shift the focus from what the person cannot change (the past) and what hasn’t been working (the complaint) to what they can change (the future) and what they would prefer to have happen (their goal, direction or desire). Respectful and skillful conversations create the shift from apathy to expectancy, fear to hope and inertia to action.

Mentoring doesn’t necessarily fix people or make them better. The focus is on the partnering with a person through a relationship that matters and links in with the person’s perceptions of their problems and how they need to overcome them. There is no magic solution or ‘size that fits all’.

Every person has their own unique needs, and their perceptions about how the mentoring relationship fits their needs and works for them is the key. The challenge for the mentor is to explore the person’s theory of change and to check out that their role in this change process is, as well as how the person being mentored views their effectiveness.

Effective mentors are able to maximise the power of effective language. Solution oriented frameworks can be utilised to ask the right questions in the right way in order to influence the aspirant’s perceptions and guides them in the direction of the solutions they are seeking. People have theories on what will work for them, and a wise mentor will utilise their strengths in order to it is a wise mentor who is able to utilise their ideas to help navigate them to a more successful future.

Solution oriented questions help direct the conversation in the direction of a successful outcome. It can be useful to ask the person questions such as “What will it be like for you to succeed in this situation?” or “How can I help you to succeed?” Instead of asking “Did you improve?” we can pose questions such as "What improvements have you noticed?”, and “How did you manage to achieve that?”

Through asking these kinds of questions the person can come up with the solution themselves, it is their solution, it connects them to their experience and reinforces their accountability and responsibility. They often describe how they feel more empowered and in touch with themselves. This in turn creates a shift in awareness and creates a more positive mood.

The following are some therapeutic strategies and strategic questions which you may find useful when you are engaging in mentoring conversations. The solution oriented questions aim to identify what is working as well as identifying when and how change occurs, so the learning and continuing steps can occur within a logical and well supported manner.

Acknowledge and validate the respondent by eliciting their reasons for being mentored.
Validation of the respondent’s decision to be mentored acknowledges that they have taken charge of their own destiny and recognise the need to change. Mentors can reinforce the respondent’s sense of ownership with questions such as:

What has prompted you to seek mentoring now?
What are the goals you want to achieve?
What are the concerns that stand in the way of your success?
How can I help you with those concerns?
When you succeed in this, what will be different for you?

Find the minimal goal and the overall destination.
Knowing the destination increases the likelihood of getting there. Rather than making the goals too big to achieve, break them down into smaller, concrete actions. In time, these actions can become the firm steps that build confidence and competence. Ask questions such as:

What is the smallest step you need to take now?
How long do you suppose these changes will take?

Demonstrate believe in the respondent and their ability to change and improve.
Ask questions that elicit consideration of past achievements and positive attributes, such as:

Where have you succeeded in difficult times before?
How did you do that?
What steps did you take?
What is working better?
What are you learning?
How are you noticing that it is getting easier?

Empower the respondent by adapting to their idea of a good relationship.
Carefully monitor the respondent’s reactions to your comments, explanations, interpretations, questions and suggestions. As a mentor, ask them:

Does the conversation fit in with their view and understanding of the world?
Are they feeling valued and acknowledged?
Are the goals of the mentoring relationship what they want to work on?

Formulate all plans and action tasks with the respondent.
Mentoring is not about directing the respondent to do things as the mentor would do them; rather it is about building an alliance and working together to ensure the respondent grows and achieves their goals in the way that is comfortable, fits and works for them.

If progress is not being made, acknowledge the problems and work with the respondent in order to move forward.
If you feel the relationship isn’t working, find out what is happening or not happening. Useful questions are:

It seems as if we aren’t making progress; what is your opinion on how we are travelling?
How do we know we are on the right track?
What am I missing here?
What do you suggest we do about this?

Identify and highlight the changes that are happening.
The changes that happen pave the way for recognising what is working and what the next steps might be. Ask questions that highlight achievements and reinforce the changes, such as:

What is different now than when we started?
How are you enjoying the improvements?
What are you finding easier?
Who is noticing the changes in you?
What are they saying about your success?
When will you expect to reach your goals?

References: The must read reference and text which I thoroughly recommend are Heroic Clients, Heroic Agencies: Partners for Change by Barry Duncan and Jacqueline. Available on order from www.talkingcure.com.au and Healing the Whole Person Rob McNeilly www.cet.net.au.