Strategies for Building Trust ~ Keys for Personal and Professional Effectiveness

Working extensively with individuals and organisational teams in the areas of relationship counselling, consultancy and professional mentoring and coaching has taught me how essential it is to have and build trust in relationships. Many individuals report they are afraid to trust for fear of further losses of dignity and hurt. Some have lost the confidence to know if they should or want to trust, or doubt that there is anyone they can trust. Couples relate they no longer trust their partner and don’t know how to repair the damage that the loss of trust has caused.

As I consult within organisations I meet many individuals who exist in a state of cordial hypocrisy, which is the tendency for people, because of loyalty or fear, to pretend and act as is there is trust, even though there is none. There are everyday examples of cordial hypocrisy where people attend meetings and don’t engage in meaningful conversation. They simply pay lip service to what is being said and withhold their participation because they don’t feel their contribution will make a difference or be appreciated. The real conversations occur outside the room, where criticism, different opinions and attacks reveal their real feelings and intentions.

In personal relationships and organisational environments trust is often replaced by a reliance on enforcement and sanctions, rules and procedures. Individuals are expected to trust blindly, and simply adhere to what is requested. This creates mistrust and resentment, and the outcome is that people resist contributing their efforts, ideas and commitment. In this climate trust is not on the agenda and becomes difficult to rebuild.

Trust requires a cooperative effort. No one can function in isolation. As we live in a relational world, we are required to interact with others in most aspects of our daily lives. How we trust is influenced by the type of relationships we have, how we view them, our past experiences, and whether they are a nurturing or positive aspect of our lives. For many the challenge is to know how, when and whom to trust.

Adopting an action learning approach to the practice of trust opens possibilities for discovering and learning what works, identifies the times when trust is easy, or not easy, how to do more of what works and observe how others respond to our trust. This is called doing trust. Over time the gaining of wisdom and awareness about trust, informs about how to asses when it exists and how to generate it when it is absent. Trust through action, becomes a reality.

Simple Key Strategies for Building Trust

1. Create a Vision of Trust in your Life. Determine what trust means to you, and what will be different when you trust in your personal relationships and professional environment. Begin to notice what you are doing differently, and how you approach and interact with others. As you understand that you have the power to change aspects within your influence, what future actions are now warranted?
2. Be a Leader of Trust Talk about trust, and promote it through your actions of keeping commitments. Identify the opportunities that exist to start building or strengthening trust. Learn to keep confidences and lead by example. Develop an infectious process of spreading trust, as you receive it, give it, prudently, in time learn to give it authentically.
3. Assess the domains of trust - Understand that there are three elements of trust, sincerity, reliability and competence which can be used to assess trust, and help to determine what future actions are necessary when a betrayal or breakdown in trust occurs.

How to do that?

When trust is broken it is easy to generalise and assume that the person is untrustworthy without examining the specific issues and circumstances. By assessing the issues on a case by case basis, identify if the breakdown in trust has occurred because the person was lacking in a specific domain.

For example, a person can be trusted to be competent to fix a motor vehicle, but unreliable to arrive on time. Students may be reliable and turn up for classes on time, be sincere in their desire to get a good education, but lack the competence to do the required skills.

What to do

If a person is assessed to be unreliable seek guarantees that they will deliver on time and produce the work at the required standard. Have a conversation that details how this will happen.

If a person is assessed as incompetent, identify what their knowledge gaps are, assess what they may need to learn, and what supports are required for this learning to occur. Have a conversation to reach agreement about attending to their learning needs.

If a person is assessed to be insincere seek evidence that they can be trusted, to assess if they will keep their word in the future. Knowing someone is insincere leads to the assessment of them being untrustworthy, and it may be difficult to trust in these circumstances.

Talk about Mistrust - Name mistrust when it exists, reduce the shame and guilt, and bring it out of the closet so it can be exposed. Risk having the honest conversations about trust to reduce the impact of corner whispers. Raise awareness about the need for trust and how to build it, grow awareness by stealth and familiarity, to allow people to become used to the conversation.

Simplify the practice of trust - Don’t make the practice of trust rocket science or more complicated than it needs to be. Appreciate the power of:

• the way we do things with commitment,
• how we interact with each other with sincerity,
• and the kind of conversations we have and how we relate to those in our environments.

Stop practicing blind trust - Blind trust comes without question or wisdom. It ignores the evidence that warns individuals not to trust. Don’t expect people to trust blindly. Grow the confidence to admit when it is not safe to trust, and ‘things won’t be alright’.

Start practicing Prudent Trust - Recognise that trust is not infallible. At anytime the assessment of sincerity, competence and reliability can inform the decision to trust and future actions and interventions. Prudent trust offers a middle way beginning with distrust built on solid past evidence and importantly offers a window of trust so that the possibility of future trust and future action guided by wisdom can emerge.

Have a vision of Authentic Trust - Be responsible for building and nurturing trust. Live the dynamic and continual process of authentic trust, which allows the possibility of adapting to the changing circumstances of life. Within a relationship of authentic trust there is acknowledgement that situations change, and individuals may need support.

Example;
A manager who is mentoring a staff member, and committed to the relationship, practices authentic trust by regularly checking on their progress, and assessing the level of assistance they need. There is an understanding that over time relationships need attention, and nurturing, and there is a concern for the success of the individual.

Have a Go

Trust doesn't happen overnight, but the effort is worth it. The willingness to trust requires a risk, for without trust there is no ability to relate in the world with others. Having the conversations and developing the understanding about how we can generate trust in our personal and professional relationships is a necessary part of the journey. If there is to be more trust in our personal relationships and professionals lives, we can begin by doing trust, by being conscious of living in authentic trust, and ensuring that others who seek to trust us are able to asses that we are sincere, reliable and competent. It may not solve the issues of mistrust in the wider world, but it is a start in our personal world.