Transformation from Family Violence:
Working with Clients’ Strengths and Resources

By Colleen Gray

With the incidence of reported family violence on the rise, crisis centres and therapists must continually assess the services that offer help to these women and families. The question is how we can provide this help in the most effective manner?

In our eagerness to make a difference, it is tempting to wade in boots and all, doing everything it takes to prevent women and children suffering violence again. Though well meant, these actions often hinder rather than help. The escaping woman is confronted by the helper’s demands to leave the situation, press charges and react in a more assertive manner. Her personal responsibility is dictated as the need to leave, not only for herself but for her children. However, this ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution frequently neglects the client’s view of the situation or the actions they are prepared to take at that time.

My experiences with women who have survived and eventually thrived have repeatedly shown the value of providing them with a therapeutic clearing in their lives. With adequate space and time, they can rediscover their own courage, strength and resourcefulness, and develop a vision of freedom and hope.

An example is a client who sought my assistance to help her cope with the violence in her relationship. She spoke of a long history of violence and how she had coped in the past by accessing a local community service. One day she was informed by the agency staff that they could no longer assist her. Her unwillingness to leave the relationship was seen as unwillingness to change the situation, and the agency could not support this decision.

The problems in her relationship seemed entrenched and I wondered how on earth I could help her. I asked her what she wanted and she responded, “Help me to find the courage to leave and believe that I can do it”. With a degree of humility, I resolved not to burden her with my concerns for her safety. In Bill O’Hanlon’s words, “When all else has failed, look to do something different.”

Her courage became our work. Using scaling questions, we identified her courage as being ‘four out of ten’, and in order to leave it needed to be at least eight. She began taking small steps into an emotional space that was new for her, learning how to breathe and steady her nerves. She began to take for herself, instead of giving all the time. When asked how she had managed to cope so long and not give up, she broke down and with a look of incredulous discovery said, “I guess I am stronger than I realised”.

That was her tipping point. Realising her strength, the exit plan became more concrete. When she was sure she had done everything she could do to make her relationship work, she admitted it was over, allowed for the grief and finally left her partner. Her salvation had come in her own time, in her own way. She reported, “I found myself again”, “I regained my dignity” and “I learnt I can do it on my own”.

We used a solution-oriented approach which focused on her resourcefulness thus far in resisting, avoiding and escaping the abuse. We then channelled this resourcefulness into developing a vision of a life free of violence. She did the groundwork, while my role was to provide the scaffolding of support and encourage her from the sidelines, always maintaining my belief in her.

The solution-oriented approach for the treatment of domestic violence is relatively new. It is supported by numerous clinical observations of how clients, even in the face of crisis and adversity, can discover and achieve solutions by focusing on their strengths and abilities. The approach has been used for crisis intervention and domestic violence within couples, families or groups, with encouraging outcomes.

In a solution-oriented approach, rather than focusing on the problems of the violence, the questions and conversations are aimed at helping the client find even the smallest change or possibility of solution. In the given example, my client’s request to “find the courage to leave” provided us with a goal, and my role was to help her develop the plan to achieve this goal.

Here are some examples of solution-oriented questions:

Information gathering
At the initial meeting, questions are concerned with the client’s perspectives and goals:

• What is the concern that you have come here to address today?
• How do you want me to help you today?
• What is the most important priority for you right now?
• Where will we begin?

Identifying the strengths and resources
These questions allow the client to move beyond the distorted view she may have of herself as being unworthy, not confident or somehow contributing to the violence itself:

• How have you managed to cope so far?
• What tells you that you are ready for the next step?
• How come you are ready for this next step?

Consensual goal formulation
To avoid repeating the old patterns of behaviour, the client benefits from identifying their goals and assessing their own progress, step by step. Aim to achieve small shifts, and bear in mind that every client is at a different stage and place in their life:

• What do you want to work on today?
• What are the next steps you should take?
• How will you know that you are making progress? Who will notice?
• Who else can support you?

Problem solving
It may be that the client has forgotten the experience of living without violence. The next phase is to help her move beyond her last level of functioning—tolerating the violence—to take some responsibility for the outcome. Here the client discusses issues of safety, and with the therapist’s support, develops a plan to resist, avoid and escape the violence.

• What are the issues that might arise to provoke the violence?
• How will you face them?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how safe are you now?
• What do you need to do to increase your safety?
• What is your safety plan?

The future orientation
The emphasis of the solution-oriented approach is to provide a future orientation which moves beyond the current difficulties and impossibilities. This is particularly relevant for clients who have been so overwhelmed by the violence they are now paralysed with fear and withdrawn. Asking such a woman to envisage a future where violence doesn’t exist suddenly presents the possibility of achieving this.
• What would a life without violence be like for you?
• What will be different?
• How will you know if you trust your partner to change?
• How will you know that you are ready for the next steps?

In summary, it is possible to re-orient clients away from the past by several means; emphasising their strengths and resourcefulness no matter how small or insignificant they seem, directing their attention to helpful actions, and encouraging them to visualise a future without violence in intimate relationships. Solution-oriented therapy becomes a validating process that helps clients to construct a violence-free reality and rediscover the resources they have to achieve that end.