Being Blissful or Pissful in 2008
You either get the results you seek or the
explanations for why you didn’t succeed. Explanations are
the booby prize.
In the moment between the old year ending and the New
Year beginning, we raise our glasses and blink our eyes, and
the year that we have known disappears.
In the days and weeks that follow, there is opportunity
to take stock of what has been achieved, to marvel at how
much has transpired, and to regret the dreams that didn’t
happen. It is a time for validation and recrimination. New
Year resolutions abound. This year I will succeed, give up
smoking, find a balance between work and home, or fulfil the
passions that lurk within.
It is challenging to ponder how we are going to make the
next year different. Where do we start? What will be the
driving force? Is it time for the passions to find their
direction?
Will we continue to choose security over success by
continuing to do more of the same, even though it means
sacrificing our authenticity and undermining who we truly
want to be?
What will give us the motivation to find the path that is
most energising, sustaining and fulfilling for us? How do we
find our own unique way?
My answers to these questions were easier to resolve as I
read the work of world renowned therapist, Bill O’Hanlon.
His audio book “Lazy Man’s Guide to Success”, lays out some
useful ways of thinking about how we can reclaim our souls
and get back in touch with what is really important and
essential in our lives.
The way forward, he believes, is to discover what brings
us bliss and to do more of it. Concurrently, we must also
identify what “pisses us off” and then find a way of
overcoming these factors in our lives. The path that brings
us bliss is also the path which leads us to our true
passions and to the dreams which are worth pursuing.
I like to think of passion as the term for serious fun.
When I am passionate about what I do, I am buoyed by a
feeling of true enjoyment.
Bill O’Hanlon identifies some critical questions we can
ask ourselves in order to find out where these passions lie
and what the way ahead might look like.
To discover whether you are “blissed off” or “pissed
off”, take a few moments to answer these questions and tally
your score:
| The Bliss or Piss Quiz
Reflect on and answer the following questions:
- Am I satisfied with my achievements this
last year; did I accomplish what I set out
to do?
- Is my direction for 2008 clear?
- Do my goals and future plans still
excite and energise me?
- Does my work make a difference to the
lives or wellbeing of others?
- Am I validated and acknowledged in my
workplace; do I feel respected and valued?
Rate your answers from 1 to 5 (1 being the lowest
and 5 the highest). Add your scores.
If you scored 21 to 25, your life has been
touched by the “bliss factor”; it will be useful for
you to keep doing more of the things that bliss you.
If you scored 16 to 20, you are in danger of
slipping into the “life pisses me off” zone.
If you scored less than 16, you are more “pissed
off” than “blissed off”. If you don’t want to keep
doing the same old “piss” over and over, it is time
to take decisive bliss action.
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Focusing on the Bliss
The next part of the exercise is to determine what stirs
your passions and excites you. Bill O’Hanlon believes that
everyone needs a dream, because if you don’t have a dream,
you won’t experience your dreams coming true.
You have to find something that you love enough to
be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles, and break
through the bricks walls that are always going to be
placed in front of you. If you don’t have the feeling
for what it is you’re doing, you’ll stop at the first
giant hurdle. (Bill O’Hanlon)
The dream has to be something that you love so much you
will be prepared to take risks, jump over hurdles and break
through brick walls to achieve it. If you don’t have that
kind of feeling, you’ll stop at the first obstacle and give
up. You’ll say “it didn’t work” or “what’s the use?” and
slink back to your old “pissed off” life.
Identifying what “blisses” you:
1. What makes you feel passionate or really excited?
2. What gives you energy and direction?
3. What makes you feel alive when you are doing it or
are around it?
4. What gives you your kicks?
5. What do you know in your heart is the right thing for
you?
6. What moves you or touches you deeply?
Reflecting on these questions makes me realise how
passionate I am about making a difference to people. I am
touched by the moments when someone tells me that they are
better for having known me. It is no wonder that I have
found my niche as a therapist and counselling practitioner.
Focusing on the “Piss”:
Some people work better by identifying what pisses them
off. What is wrong in the world that you want to fix up? Are
there injustices that you want to rectify? Bill speaks about
his own life, in which he recovered from childhood abuse and
depression and then used these negative experiences to
become an authoritative psychotherapist and author. Rather
than becoming closed-minded and bitter, he suggests that we
use our wounds to help us find a way to contribute to the
world.
Identifying what “pisses” you off:
- What injustices in the world do you want to rectify?
- What are the areas, in your own life or in the world
at large, that you feel committed to improve?
- What topics of conversation make your blood boil?
- What do you see happening that makes you angry?
- What are the past wounds or hurts that you seek to
heal in yourself or in others?
Some people know instantly what pisses them off. For me,
it is seeing others hurt or treated unfairly, which is
intrinsically linked to my desire to make a difference.
How NOT to succeed:
Bill cautions readers to guard against apathy and
procrastination. Here are a few clues he gives which lead us
into the trap of NOT succeeding:
- Not knowing what you want;
- Choosing security over success rather than following
your heart’s deepest desire;
- Being afraid of criticism and worrying what others
think of you;
- Losing enthusiasm because you failed this time;
- Thinking and ruminating rather than taking action;
- Making excuses for why it didn’t happen; blaming
others, life and the world;
- Taking on too much responsibility and too many
obligations so that you don’t have time for the
opportunities that come up.
How TO succeed:
Having read this far, you are already initiating a year
of success. Giving yourself time to reflect honestly and
deeply about your goals in life is an essential part of what
will become your future.
The New Year period passes as quickly as that night of
celebration – in the blink of an eye you are busy again,
burying yourself under schedules and obligations. But before
you begin the year’s work in earnest, truly consider what is
important in your life, and hold these essentials in your
mind as you go about shaping your destiny.
Bill O’Hanlon’s Lazy Man’s Guide to gaining your heart
and soul:
- Discover your soul’s uniqueness;
- Follow a dream which turns you on and doesn’t piss
you off;
- Identify what will provide a contribution to the
world;
- Take actions towards your dream, however small, and
then notice how those actions move you;
- Make adjustments and then don’t stop - keep going!
- Start and just do it, fix it as you go;
- Don’t be distracted by feelings of doubt or fear -
they are only feelings; have faith in your dream;
- Persistence is power; never give up.
If I don’t manage to fly, someone else will. Life gives
us all an opportunity for our spirits to soar, so someone
will do it. Will that someone be you?
The link to Bill O’Hanlon’s audio link is here:
PossiBill@aol.com
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What do you think?
