The Art of Asking Solution Questions
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook”

By Colleen Gray Director of the Centre of Effective Therapy Cairns and Ways Forward

Have you ever had the thought that life should be easier, that there must be more to living than work, death and taxes? If so you aren’t alone.

“Life wasn’t meant to be easy” but “does it need to be so hard?” rings true.

Despite our best efforts to achieve happy and successful lives, life is often experienced as one damned problem after another.

As products of our upbringing and conditioning, we often repeat the ways of being that we have learnt, even perfected over time - even when those ways are no longer working for us. The way we want to be is freer, happier, less stressed, more confident, loved and successful –what is missing is how to experience these emotions.

However, the challenge we have in life is to find solutions for the concerns that stop us living the way we want to. Repeating the same old patterns of behaviours simply keeps us stuck in the art of being unhappy, dissatisfied, depressed or stuck in doing the problem.

Life wasn’t meant to be this hard. The “solution oriented” way of living is to identify and focus our efforts on what we want to be different and to consider how we can make it happen. Where and when becomes the question.

We all know that to get to the right answers we need to ask the right questions, and so the first step in changing from being a problem-experiencer is to ask a “solution question”.

Solution questions are a powerful way to create change, solve problems and develop effective relationships. When the problem involves others in our personal or professional lives, we can use these questions to engage in solution oriented conversations, allowing new ideas to unfold and new actions to become possible.

The art of using these solution questions is apparently simple, but not necessarily easy. We may assume that it should be easy to say what we want to say, and to find out what we need to know, but in truth most people require some skilling up in this area. Therefore, I have found it useful to follow a few simple rules to steer these conversations:

If you want to find a solution, don’t ask why.

“Why” questions foster a mood of blame or concern that another person has done something to create this problem. “Why did you do that?” “Why do you want to do this?” “Why me?" Justifying why something has happened doesn’t solve a problem, and the questions can always be asked in more conciliatory ways.

Rather than “Why?” ask “What? How? When? Where? Which? Who?”

These questions raise awareness of potential solution and change. Examples are:

• What is the issue of concern?
• How is this issue affecting the current situation?
• What do we want to do about it?
• How do we want things to be different?
• Which small actions can we start with?
• When will we start?
• Where will we do it?
• Who will help us?

Look for the Miracles

Miracle questions came into being when therapist Insoo Kim Berg was working with a client who, in desperation, said “Maybe only a miracle will help”.

The miracle question is worded something like:

Suppose that you are sleeping tonight and while you are sleeping a miracle happens. The miracle is that the problem which you are facing is solved. When you wake up in the morning, what will be different that will tell you a miracle has happened and the problem you are facing has disappeared?

It’s miraculous to see that, even as the miracle question is being asked, people lighten up. There is an automatic sense of relief as the focus shifts from desperation and stress, to possibility and action.

Ask a child why they didn’t do their homework, a couple why they keep fighting, or an employee why they are unhappy, and you are bound to hear a litany of problems. However, ask them how things could be different with a miracle and you are likely to see an immediate transformation.

Turning miracles into reality

The miracle question is designed to shift awareness quickly and to conjure a solution that is not “watered-down” by fear or skepticism. Questions can then follow to turn these solutions into concrete reality: “Which part of the miracle is achievable now?”, “Where to start with it?”, “What else might change?”

From a strategic point of view, it is better to start making changes with solutions in mind. Solution questions reveal the way ahead and the steps that needed to be taken. With each step, we feel more confident, more empowered, and less burdened by the weight of our problems.

Listening to the answers

Regardless of the words we use in our questions, we will not know what another person’s solutions are until we listen to their answers. Hearing what others have to say helps complete the picture and reveals what possibilities there might be for joint action. As we pay attention, we can formulate the follow-up questions based on the shared understanding and direction that emerges.

Notice what happens between you

We exist in connection to other people. How we view those connections becomes the way we respond to each other, which in turn determines many of the outcomes of our everyday lives, whether in family, love or professional spheres.

I am often struck by the power of connection that occurs between people when the right question evokes the right response. When I help clients bring their awareness to the solution, there is a moment of shared connection that accompanies the insight. Outside the therapy room, such moments are possible between people who genuinely listen to each other and seek to make positive changes.